Mental illness and how it suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks

[Mutt12]

So I have severe anxiety. Had it as long as I can remember. Like, I focus on, obsess, and constantly fret about the stupidest things and it kind of snowballs usually ending up in a full-blown panic attack. Like the kind where your heart feels like a chestburster from Alien and your mind just short circuits. Sometimes happens, even when I'm not worrying about something.

For the past twelve or so years I had a good handle on it with SSRI meds, though it's kinda been a huge mess since March when I started developing side effects to my meds and my doc has been playing trial-and-error with some non-SSRI's to see how they worked (they didn't). To add on top of that, in late June some serious stuff in my personal life happened, which kind of caused me to go over the edge, having the nasty panic attacks like the ones that I haven't had in over a decade. My boss tells me to chill and take a week off and use the company's EAP program to talk to a counselor. Counselor suggests short term disability for the next few weeks. Just recently learned the insurance turned that down so now I'm just on FMLA leave till Wednesday and my vacation time is depleted until January.

But you know what? I'm not freaking out about it. Counselor has given me some good coping tips. My doc found an SSRI that doesn't make me wanna puke. And best of all, I discovered hypnotherapy. Yeah. Hypnotherapy. It sounded scary at first, but after some research, it made a lot of sense. You're not in an altered state or anything. You're just super-duper relaxed while the therapist talks, giving suggestions to your subconscious mind. And I think it's given me a bit of peace of mind. Not saying it'd a panacea for my issues, but I think it took some serious edge off of it.

Plus, I'm not overly worried about money anymore because those Ebay auctions managed to cover a good chunk of what I don't have the vacation time for. That and cancelling my cable TV has been a boon to my budget, especially since I only watch like a handful of channels for a handful of shows, some of which come on broadcast TV, or are on Netflix almost immediately after they air. Definitely not worth the money I been paying.

It's pretty cool, though. I haven't felt this calm in ages. And I hope it stays this way. I still worry. Hell, I am fretting about my return to work Wednesday after being out for a little over a month, but I think that's just regular-person nervousness. I really don't know because I don't have a basis for comparison. But I think I'll be okay.

Anyways sorry for the tl;dr. I just had to get this all off my chest.

[NoPaintRequired]

Glad to hear you're hanging in there brother. You're always welcome here!

[kranix]

Mutt, it's good to hear you're doing better. Anxiety is rough, and that you do have a support network and a treatment plan is great.

No doubt you've already discussed this with your counselor, but the ADAA does have a search tool to help you find support groups in your area, if that's something that could make it easier to work through.

Keep up the good work!

[Mutt12]

Mutt, it's good to hear you're doing better. Anxiety is rough, and that you do have a support network and a treatment plan is great.

No doubt you've already discussed this with your counselor, but the ADAA does have a search tool to help you find support groups in your area, if that's something that could make it easier to work through.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks. I did discuss this with my counselor, but I think I found the right combination of meds and support. The hypnotherapy is a freaking godsend. I visited my counselor today for my sixth and final visit (My work's EAP only gives six free sessions) and she is *EXTREMELY* impressed with the strides I have made.

[ChristheElder]

dude, i feel for ya, i've had problems with anxiety myself and it sucks full on, glad you tried the hypnotherapy route. there are guided imagery cd's (or tapes) you can get that are also very helpfull to relax (they will only work when you arent in the midst of a panic attack tho, they are more to help strengthen your techniques in calmness and relaxation mainly thru breathing).
BE CAREFULL taking meds (of any kind really), always keep a check on yourself and as much as support is great and helpfull, rely on yourself most of all, you CAN do it.

as for no cable, look into your local library, you may be surprised how many dvds they have. free movie/tv show rental is awesome! i live for it!!

also, as a side note, most local governments have financial support for anyone needing any kind of mental help or support. your insurance may only cover you for a minimal ammount but there are other avenues to use.

best wishes !!!!!

[Mutt12]

dude, i feel for ya, i've had problems with anxiety myself and it sucks full on, glad you tried the hypnotherapy route. there are guided imagery cd's (or tapes) you can get that are also very helpfull to relax (they will only work when you arent in the midst of a panic attack tho, they are more to help strengthen your techniques in calmness and relaxation mainly thru breathing).
BE CAREFULL taking meds (of any kind really), always keep a check on yourself and as much as support is great and helpfull, rely on yourself most of all, you CAN do it.

as for no cable, look into your local library, you may be surprised how many dvds they have. free movie/tv show rental is awesome! i live for it!!

also, as a side note, most local governments have financial support for anyone needing any kind of mental help or support. your insurance may only cover you for a minimal ammount but there are other avenues to use.

best wishes !!!!!

Yeah my counselor had me do the Lucinda Bassett guided imagery thing. Most of it was just noise that went in one ear and out the other because my mind is always noisy. But the controlled breathing part of it was one VERY helpful thing I managed to take from it. As for meds, I know they aren't a panacea and side effects are to be expected. But they help take the edge off. The hypnosis, though, I think is the most helpful. After my session, I felt more "normal" than I have in a LONG LONG time.

As for cable, I don't miss it much. I still got Netflix, Youtube, and a bajillion local antenna channels. Only channels I really watched on cable were HLN, Adult Swim, and Disney XD, so it really wasn't worth the massive amounts of cash I was paying for. If I wanna catch reruns of Forensic Files, got a local channel that plays em. Also got friends who'll DVR Rick and Morty and Rebels for me when they air.

[Cappy]

And your creativity. Don't forget to let your creativity run free -- because you have it in spades, my man, and expressing it can only be a good thing.

[Mutt12]

And your creativity. Don't forget to let your creativity run free -- because you have it in spades, my man, and expressing it can only be a good thing.

Thanks Man! *^_^*

[Lazzy Lizard]

Sorry to hear of your troubles.

Glad that you're getting help and making life a bit easier to deal with.

Keep your head up!

=)

[Fuzz]

I also will have a panic attack one in a while. I've learned how to deal with them on my own. If I start feeling anxious, I sit in the bathroom with the shower on, or play a rain mp3 on my phone, and do a crossword puzzle. For some reason the sound of water calms me down.

[Mutt12]

I also will have a panic attack one in a while. I've learned how to deal with them on my own. If I start feeling anxious, I sit in the bathroom with the shower on, or play a rain mp3 on my phone, and do a crossword puzzle. For some reason the sound of water calms me down.

Thanks. I think I found the right combination of meds as well as a hypnotherapist. I've been having a little bit of a backslide, but I think it might just be stress from being back to work, as well as a couple really shitty things happening at work.

[Mutt12]

Just an update

So I been back to work now for almost two and a half weeks now. Co-workers been surprised that I’ve been chill as hell and not the usual wound-up spaz that I normally am. Customer calls that would have me normally hitting my desk and giving the middle finger to my computer monitor aren’t getting to me. Sure I get stressed, but for the first time in my life, I think I’m just having “normal person” stress. I’m not obsessing about it. I’m able to let it go.

Hell, even when I get home, I completely forget about work and am just able to enjoy my me-time. Normally I’d still be a wreck from the day’s stress, sometimes ruining entire weekends.

Don’t know if it’s the klonopin, the effexor, or the hypnotherapy. I personally think it’s the hypnotherapy., as I been on bennies and SSRI’s before and I would still be a spaz, just not as much of one. I really think my therapist facilitated me to subconsciously fix my own brain shit.

Whatever it is, I want it to stay this way. I don’t quite have peace of mind, but I’m having the closest thing to it that I’ve had since I can remember.

[Mutt12]

Just something I thought I'd share with you guys.

My previous visit to my hypnotherapist provided me with an AMAZING tool to help with my anxiety. She tells me it works for other things too. Nightly Affirmations. Basically before you turn the lights off to go to bed, you write down a handful of statements of things you wish to achieve mentally. For example, something like:

I do not think something bad is just around the corner.
I am confident about <whatever>
I am not afraid of <whatever>

Basically by writing these down every night before bed, the act of writing these affirmations plus being in that sleepy state before laying down for bed embeds these affirmations into your subconscious. And avoid statements like "I will" or "I'm going to". You need to write it like you actually have it.

I have been doing this for several weeks now and it has been helping me significantly. My affirmations are mostly about my job, since things have gotten a little chaotic there. It's been a great deal of help getting through the day without stressing the hell out.

As mentioned before, I been told it works with other things too, so I thought I'd like to share this with you guys